I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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