Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
