it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
