If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
