My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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