You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
