So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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