You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
