Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
