Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
