Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
