While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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