hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
