God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Omg I joined a choir last night...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
