"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
