one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
