her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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