I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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