Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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