So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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