Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
