Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
