i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
