Whod you bang
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
