I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
