all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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