Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
