What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
