Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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