Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
