whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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