i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
