I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
