Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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