my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
