the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
