Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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