You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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