This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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