everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
