Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
