I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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