apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
