Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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