I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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