Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
