ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
