is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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