so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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