Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
