You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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