dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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