youre lurking in front of me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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