So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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