If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Acid is not a monday night drug
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
