I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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