The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
